One of the most difficult emotions to deal with in couple therapy is contempt.

The four horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—are powerful indicators of relational distress and predict relationship outcomes if left unchecked. For Gottman therapists, detecting and interrupting these patterns in real-time during dialogue is a core skill. The goal is not to pathologize couples, but to name patterns accurately, so you can guide the conversation toward repair attempts and healthier interaction.

Relationships are complex. The old adage that ‘relationships should be easy’ has been debunked over and over again in the research....